Tired. If I had to sum up how I feel in one word it would be *tired*. I’m sure being it is a combination of staying up until 2 a.m. reading a book I simply couldn’t put down, as well as fighting off another round of probable bronchitis. It could be that after 9 beautiful days in a row, it is a rainy, gloomy day here in Northern Indiana. Or, it is simply the ongoing journey of motherhood and homeschooling. At this point, the reason doesn’t really matter… because knowing the reason doesn’t change anything. I’m just tired.
I’m sitting in a quiet corner of our local library (which truly is my second home…). Ellen is playing with various toys while the older two are in their Spanish class. As I sit here, I’m reflecting on my day and realizing that like most of my days, it’s full… full of my life as a wife, a mom and a homeschool teacher….
…Today~Eric had his ancient history and the Bible class at 9, I also had a breakfast date at 9. I got home at 10:20 and took a few minutes to sit and put my feet up as I caught up on life with Chad (today is his day off and so in roughly 15 minutes we filled each other in on our schedules). Then, the girls and I were off to do a little birthday shopping for a birthday party on Friday (found some great deals at our local Christian book store). After which, we drove out to pick Eric up at 11:30 and hit McD’s for a quick lunch. Arrived here at the library at 12:10, in time for the kids to get a few books before their class starts at 12:30. I’m hoping to get home between 2:30-3 and to get a walk in before putting supper together. After supper will be gathering co op things for tomorrow, packing lunches for tomorrow and picking the house up before my Magic Cleaning Fairy comes tomorrow.
Why I am rehashing my day? Sometimes it does my heart good to write it all down and read it back to myself. Often I think “I’m not doing enough…” or “Why don’t I have time to do…”. I berate myself for not doing as much as Mrs. So & So…. Sometimes, I just need to allow myself a few minutes to reflect on what I do and what I get done.
When I do take the time to reflect, I find joy in being tired. I realize that my tiredness comes from doing things and being with my favorite people in the entire world. I’m joyful because I’m finding fulfillment in doing what I feel my Savior has called me to do. He promises in Matthew 11:30 that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. It’s when I take on more than He has called me to do that the burden become more than I can bear.
When I am tired without joy, it is usually because I’m trying to do more than He called me to do or I am trying to be someone I am not. I find myself trying to solve problems that are not my own or I’m trying to keep up with Mrs. So and So… whose children are Rhodes scholars, her house is immaculate and her hair is perfect. I become overwhelmed with other’s crises and I feel weak and insufficient when I compare myself to my impression of others.
I need days like today to reflect and to realize that I’m tired… but joyful… because, for today, I have only done what I feel He has called me to do…nothing more, nothing less, nothing else. I need days like today to remind me where the joy comes from. It comes from serving Him and not taking on any more than that.
I need days like today to blog this reminder to myself… to write it down and record it for posterity. I need this reminder readily available because I know I will again find myself tired and overwhelmed, without the joy of my LORD. I need to be able to look back and read this post over and over again.
I will need to be reminded that it is possible to be tired but joyful.