my own beauty…

I’ve re-written this post three times today.  My heart is heavy with thoughts and my mind can’t find cohesive words to express them.
The jist of the issue is this… I see beauty all around me but can’t see beauty in the mirror.  
In countless ways and over countless days I have blamed God for this.  I blame Him for creating me in a way that I think is less than stellar.  Most recently, I also blame Him for the 40 lbs I gained in 8 months after my hysterectomy four years ago.  I have hated the way that He created me for so long, I can’t remember ever feeling any different.
Quietly… kindly… softly… gently… He is pursing my heart through prayer, Bible study, His creation, blogging and through my friend Lisa’s blog.
I’m learning the choice is mine… surrender my thoughts and trust the thoughts of a God whose ways are higher than mine and whose thoughts I could never even come close to comprehending… or continue in my path of self-destruction.
I will choose, this day, to see beauty in the mirror because blaming God has gotten me no where but more miserable… He is God, I am not.
But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? 
Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 
‘Why did you make me like this?
Romans 9:20
Categories beauty, faith

3 thoughts on “my own beauty…

  1. I have written my reply to you a few times as well!! You know that you cannot blame God for his perfection – for you! Heidi, you are so beautiful my friend, so beautiful. {{hugs}}

  2. {HUGS} I understand your pain. In your photos and words I see only beauty.

  3. I know all too well that feeling. It's a constant struggle. {{{Heidi}}}As I've gotten to know you over the past few months, I've seen a beautiful person both inside and out.

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