when you can do nothing but count…

wide awake with a heavy <3.

This was my facebook status last night at 1 a.m.   Nine hours later, I’m sleepy with a heavy heart.

There are times in life when it seems like nothing makes sense or everything falls apart.  There are seasons when my heart screams… tell me, once again, who I am to You… because I can’t feel it, hear it, see it, taste it or know it in my heart of hearts right now.

Sometimes the storm blows right through my world and turns everything upside down and inside out.  Mostly though, the storm is someone close.  Close enough for me to hear their wind howl… to see flying debris… to feel the pounding rain.  Close enough to hear enough, see enough, feel enough to send me to my knees.

Last week, my sister posted this and it hurt my heart… hurt not because I was in this storm but because this storm was felt by those I love… I prayed for my sister and her family… especially my two nephews who I’m particularly fond of.   

This morning, as I drove home from taking Emme to school, I was reminded of that family.  A family torn… forever changed… living a new reality that they didn’t choose.  My soul had forgotten… I suffer deeply from soul amnesia.  I wish I had remembered to pray for them every single minute of every day.  I hate forgetting!

Last night, wide awake with a heavy heart brought a new circumstance to pray about.  One much closer to home.  Friends, seemingly in a spiritual battle, the likes of which I have never fought.  I prayed, we prayed, I prayed again.  

Much prayer and yet the heavy heart remained.  Heavy and restless.  Wide awake in the middle of the night.  Until…

Be anxious for nothing, 
but in everything by prayer and supplication 
with thanksgiving 
let your requests be made known to God.  
And the peace of God, 
which surpasses all comprehension, 
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 (NASB)

He, the One True God, brought these verses to mind.  I prayed them for my friends, for myself, for my family and I counted… until sleep came.

And, though, I woke still with a heavy heart for the battle, my heart is not without hope because I know the end of the story…

I know Who wins.


Counting with the gratitude community at Ann’s… join in!

For these, and so much more, I am grateful to the Grace Giver…

… for the returning sound of the spring peepers
… for early morning rain
… for the way He renews even the earth

… for a quiet Sunday morning with the not so little one
… for quick healing
… for a beautiful day for a bike ride

… for a man who put my screen door back on 
… for great deals on jeans and boots
… for the patience they have learned in waiting for what they want

… for the encouragement of friends
… for laughter, the best medicine for heart issues
… for hearing laughter in my own home

… f0r the privilege to pray
… for the heavy heart that drives me to bow before the Throne

… for family movie nights and lessons learned
… for a slow to heal elbow and a boy who is learning some great life lessons
… for the glimpses of maturity

… for the way he senses my pain and prays with me
… for a relationship that withstands heavy wind sometimes
… for forgiveness

Categories 1000 Gifts, faith, family, gratitude

5 thoughts on “when you can do nothing but count…

  1. Visiting from Ann's link up today. I read your sister's post. How very heartbreaking. I cannot imagine what this family must be going through. Your list is beautiful.

  2. I pray for peace to your heavy heart…continue to cast your cares upon Him…He sees…He cares…He loves…blessings~

  3. Dear One,I am visiting from Ann's. I posted just before you there today. This is a wonderful reminder for all of us. My children are grown, but they still could use the prayers and now I have their spouses and grandkids, too. God bless you,Dawn

  4. Beautiful – real – raw – authentic post. I think we ca all relate. So touched by your sister and you. Yes, wide awake with a burden is burdening. I get it. I've been there. Blessings and sweet prayers.

  5. my prayers are with you

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