when grace gestates…

But I have learned in my life
that grace often gestates, like an unborn child.
And when the expectant mother grabs the hospital-prepared
suitcase and screams, “Let’s go!” then you’d better go.
All Is Grace
Brennan Manning

I love this!  What a beautiful word picture of the way Grace often floods my heart, soul, and life with grace.  It gestates and it comes NOW!

Life is disappointing… it’s what I do with the disappointment that makes all the difference in the world.  Yesterday, I reverted to a 30 year old habit of dealing with disappointment… journaling.  Writing.  Recording in words the hurt, the confusion, the pain.  I wrote for myself and recorded it in cyberspace as a small sacrifice of praising in the storm.    I wrote, I confessed, I praised, and then I walked away… and grace came.

In those after moments of surrendering it all and letting go, Grace came and expanded in that vacant space like a billowing endless cloud.  Every tiny crevice of my scarred soul was emptied of me and my disappointments and filled with Grace.  A day of endless gifts…

… a slow morning to work through my heart issues
… a new book, by an old man, to lead me in this search that All Is Grace
… a phone call and laughter filled with 25 years of friendship
… a new prayer journal and a grace filled lunch with my kindred spirit

… a peace that flooded every moment
… joy 
… loose jeans
… heart rest from battling a war that was already won

… a great morning of catching up on some math work with a happy heart
… good occupational therapy time for Eric
… the chance to pick up 16 pizzas and 90+ popsicles and feed the children at the youth club
… 40 minutes, by myself, in the waning sunlight to work on a new campfire pit

I wonder how many times Grace is waiting… wanting to gestate… wanting to birth out of me the wonder of new grace and I am the one who forbids it.  My white-knuckled grip to my self-righteousness doesn’t leave room for grace to gestate.  Instead of surrendering to the birth moment, I push it away and helplessly cling to the poison that fills my heart.  

… today I am, again, grateful for Grace and the grace that gestates like an unborn baby.  Thank you, Brennan Manning, for these words in the twilight of your life.


linking up today with…

Categories faith, grace, gratitude, writing

3 thoughts on “when grace gestates…

  1. This is a beautiful picture. Thank you for sharing and thank you for stopping by His Pen on My Heart. It is so nice to meet you!

  2. Oh, the grace that is waiting right around the corner, if we would just open our tightly clenched fists and allow Him to pour it in and through us!Jessica

  3. oh, I just love, love "All is grace"… and the journaling? I do that too. So glad you had time to process thoughts, heart hurts…and loose jeans?? the best 🙂

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