when grace gestates…

But I have learned in my life
that grace often gestates, like an unborn child.
And when the expectant mother grabs the hospital-prepared
suitcase and screams, “Let’s go!” then you’d better go.
All Is Grace
Brennan Manning

I love this!  What a beautiful word picture of the way Grace often floods my heart, soul, and life with grace.  It gestates and it comes NOW!

Life is disappointing… it’s what I do with the disappointment that makes all the difference in the world.  Yesterday, I reverted to a 30 year old habit of dealing with disappointment… journaling.  Writing.  Recording in words the hurt, the confusion, the pain.  I wrote for myself and recorded it in cyberspace as a small sacrifice of praising in the storm.    I wrote, I confessed, I praised, and then I walked away… and grace came.

In those after moments of surrendering it all and letting go, Grace came and expanded in that vacant space like a billowing endless cloud.  Every tiny crevice of my scarred soul was emptied of me and my disappointments and filled with Grace.  A day of endless gifts…

… a slow morning to work through my heart issues
… a new book, by an old man, to lead me in this search that All Is Grace
… a phone call and laughter filled with 25 years of friendship
… a new prayer journal and a grace filled lunch with my kindred spirit

… a peace that flooded every moment
… joy 
… loose jeans
… heart rest from battling a war that was already won

… a great morning of catching up on some math work with a happy heart
… good occupational therapy time for Eric
… the chance to pick up 16 pizzas and 90+ popsicles and feed the children at the youth club
… 40 minutes, by myself, in the waning sunlight to work on a new campfire pit

I wonder how many times Grace is waiting… wanting to gestate… wanting to birth out of me the wonder of new grace and I am the one who forbids it.  My white-knuckled grip to my self-righteousness doesn’t leave room for grace to gestate.  Instead of surrendering to the birth moment, I push it away and helplessly cling to the poison that fills my heart.  

… today I am, again, grateful for Grace and the grace that gestates like an unborn baby.  Thank you, Brennan Manning, for these words in the twilight of your life.


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3 thoughts on “when grace gestates…

  1. oh, I just love, love "All is grace"… and the journaling? I do that too. So glad you had time to process thoughts, heart hurts…and loose jeans?? the best 🙂

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