What do you do when life serves you a great big dose of disappointment? When you realize that these trips around the sun… they’re really meaningless, and you can’t find hope or joy or peace. What do you do when you feel as if you are barely hanging on and you can hardly find the gifts in the day?
Hold on to truth and let go of the lies you’ve believed for so long go.
Somewhere in these 43 trips around the sun, I’ve bought the lie that health, wealth, and happiness equal God’s blessing. Which means I’ve also believed the flip-side… that when you don’t have health, wealth, or happiness you are not blessed. Lies from my enemy. Lies that I have believed for so long.
I didn’t think I believed those lies. I thought I knew. I was sure that my heart knew all the right answers… I guess I just didn’t have the test yet.
Yesterday, I felt my heart ache, my stomach churn, my mind buzz… and my eyes leak. I stood around the campfire yesterday as my man held me and let me question the meaning of life and the goodness of God in the land of the living. He said little and listened much.
And, in the end, I came around… around to the fact that when life dishes me a great big dose of disappointment, I counter it by counting. Some days it’s easy to count, to see the gifts all around… yesterday, I struggled to count but in the struggle to find even ten things for which I was thankful, I felt my heart realign with His and I recognized the lies for what they were.
and, I held on
Feeling gloomy on a gloomy Monday morning but still joining with the gratitude community at Ann’s… where we all come together to count the gifts of grace from the Giver of grace.
Today I am grateful for…
… the fact that I was blessed to know Peggy
… and how she encouraged those around her
… for how she came alongside this newbie homeschooler and walked with me
… for the fact that she is with Jesus today
… for the arms that wrapped around me yesterday
… for the comfort of silence grown over 18 years
… for seasoned love
… for my 3 Es who convinced me to have friends over for a cookout last night
… for renewed friendships
… for wisdom shared in the firelight
… for the blessings that do indeed abound
… for the fact that we have food in abundance
… even Guatemalan coffee!
… for the fact that simple personal accounting mistakes that result in “insufficient funds” are easily fixed and not the end of the world
… for an incredible day of worship yesterday
… for tears that flowed freely at church
… for a God that came and met the rag-tag group that meets in a gymnasium and sits on simple folding chairs
… for watching my girl take leadership in worship yesterday
… for the answered prayer that my children would love Jesus
… and the answered prayer that we would find a church that is their home too
… for knowing we all have a place in our church family
… for a God who blesses more than I can count
… and lets me ask the hard questions
… and comforts me in the asking
… and then reveals the answers