when you want it all…

I want it all.

I want to serve Him wholeheartedly… forsaking all… trusting only in Him.  I want to live in reckless abandon with my hands open wide.  I want to live giving all… trusting that my needs will be met.

I also want to have my wants met.  I want my creature comforts and favorites when I want them, how I want them, and where I want them.

I want it all.

No one can serve two masters…  
Matthew 6:24

Herein lies the struggle.   I can’t have it both ways.   I can’t sell my possessions to give to those in need and be upset when I don’t own the latest gadget.  I cannot give until it hurts and whine about the pain.   I can’t sing “I surrender all…” while holding on with white knuckles.

For the past year, or maybe a little more, I’ve struggled wanting it both ways.  Somedays an all-out war waged between my heart and my mind.   My mind wanted to choose the better path… to surrender all.  My heart, though, is exceedingly wicked and evil, selfish and proud.  My heart wanted to keep that which was “mine!”… unless, of course, there would be a HUGE reward for surrendering.  In which case, I would gladly surrender for the sake of the prize… or the accolades.

Choose for yourselves today whom you will serve…  
Joshua 24:15

When I choose to surrender, to give up my wants and trust Him for my needs… the storm quiets and my hot heart cools.  When I give up what I want to trust Him to meet my needs the battle is won.  The choice is mine… every.single.time.   And, when I stop wanting it all and choose to serve Him, I uncover His presence in all over my life.

I can’t have it all.

I can have Him.

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