I came home from church yesterday with a wounded heart… again.
The pressure had been building. A few days ago, Chad made an innocent remark that I completely misunderstood. It brewed under the surface as I rolled it around in my heart. Why would he say such a thing? What did it mean? How dare he! I left for church yesterday morning with the steam of that comment still seeping through.
Sometimes it only takes a remark to make this volcano explode. Someone else’s remark… probably innocent and misconstrued… fell on top of the steam seeping through. Thud! It sat large and ominous in my heart. Growing bigger by the minute. Why would they say such a thing? What did they mean by it? Seriously?! While it grew, the steam had no where to escape… until I walked through my front door.
In the safety of my own home, the volcano of hurt and discouragement erupted all over Chad. Hot tears and hissing words while making lunch. Accusations and anger hit the ceiling. Once the pressure was released, the ugly cry was the fall out. I spent it all and crawled into bed in the middle of the day. Only to later get up with a big black cloud hanging over my pounding head.
God is good, even when I’m not.
He took me to a church bonfire last night and sat me right next to a beautiful young woman who I have had the privilege of watching for years. She’s beautiful, funny, confident, and loves Jesus. We talked. We laughed. And, I realized that I haven’t just watched her grow up, I’ve been a part of it.
As I watched the fire burn, I realized that this friendship I have with her is the reward of time well spent. Time spent writing Bible studies and curriculum and showing up each week to teach. I felt Him say, “this, THIS is why you do what you do. Don’t expect others to understand. Just look to Me.” Looking into the flames, I felt my heart surrender the hurt and embrace the gift of a special friendship.
I love that peace comes in the forgiveness and joy in the surrender.
Maybe next time it won’t take me all day to get to surrender.
It’s been a long time since I’ve joined in with the gratitude community at Ann’s on this Multitudes on Monday. Jumping back in and counting gifts. For these and much more, I am grateful….
…for cooler weather
…for open windows
…for the songs of birds in the morning and tree frogs at night
…and thick green grass again
…for late night games of tag
…for the fact that my kids love and embrace our church
…and that they know they belong there
… for early morning sunrises
… and late summer sunsets
… for the canvas of the sky painted in infinite color combinations
…for a friend who encourages me to keep up with the Joy Dare
…and friends who encourage my walk
…and love me even when I’m being ugly
…for a man who has never lost sight of “for better or for worse”
…for his shoulder to cry on
…for his laughter
…and his unwavering love
…for a God who is good, even when I’m not
…for the infinite ways He loves me
…and the peace and joy that come
***all photo credit goes to my friend and church photographer, Roger. I am simply respectfully borrowing. ; )