“How is it that some make it and others don’t?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” came the quiet reply. “Except for grace. Why?”
“I’m just overwhelmed but it’s all good.” I sighed.
“For someone who’s easily overwhelmed, what’s all good?” he teased.
“Grace,” I snuggled in tighter. “It’s all good because I’m overwhelmed by grace.”
In the late and dark quiet last night, I said these words… I’m overwhelmed by Grace that hems me in and upholds me. I’m overwhelmed by a grace that keeps me from running.
If you were to ask me if I were a runner, I would tell you that I hate running. And, I do. I hate the jarring of my joints and the pounding of my heart. I hate the shin splints and the exhaustion that come later. I hate trying to figure out how to breathe while my body is going through the motions of moving fast. I cannot think of anything about running that I like.
and, yet, I run
Not in the literal-lace-up-your-shoes type of running but in the figurative I’ve-got-to-get-out-of-here because I can’t breathe type of running. I am an emotional runner. I will gladly run away than face an awkward situation. And, if confrontation is involved, I run all the faster. My first thought in any situation that frightens or overwhelms me is “I have got to get out of here!”
There have been more times than I care to count that I have wanted to just get in my car and drive. Drive fast, drive far, drive away. Away from marriage, motherhood, and my life. When it gets hard or I get hurt… when I screw up or fall down… when someone or something disappoints, my sinful heart’s tendency is to run. The greater the pain… the faster I run. The more I am overwhelmed… the harder I want out.
until grace comes
Grace. I recognize it for what it is but can’t truly explain it. It holds me in place when the going gets rough and I want to run. When motherhood becomes way more than I bargained for and I fail my children yet again, grace keeps me from running out the door. When marriage is hard and I’m tired of trying, grace keeps a ring on my finger and holds me to the promise I made. When life presses hot and heavy down and I bend to the pressure, grace holds me up. When I try and fail and fall over and over again, Grace reaches down and picks me up over and over and over again.
It’s this Grace that overwhelms me today… and it’s all good.
I’m counting gifts of grace with the grace community at Ann’s on this Multitude Monday… take Ann’s dare, for yourself. Make a list of 1000 gifts in your every day… those things for which you are grateful. And, then, keep counting…
… for rain
… for spring-like grass grown back thick and rich
… for mowers
… and a dad who mows with them
… for yard work done on a Saturday afternoon
… for a Redbox coupon
… and a Saturday morning movie & pj time
… for kids big enough to stay home
… and spontaneous dates
… for a first volleyball game
… and first varsity playing time
… and life lessons learned on the other side of the win
… for friends to go home with after church
… for church picnics at the park
… and games of hide and seek
… and rich conversation at a picnic table
… for time carved out of no where to write
… for words that don’t come from me
… for the reminder of those further down the path to let go of the social media race
… for days together
… and late night conversations
… for 18+ years of grace
… for His overwhelming grace