My God says, “be still and know that I am God” and I think… “it’s okay, God. I can know that You are God and still run here, do this, be there, and see that. I don’t need to be still when I already know You.”
I so quickly suffer from spiritual attention deficit disorder. I would much rather DO than BE.
When I keep myself busy, I am easily distracted… engrossed in things that don’t matter, fearful of things I can’t control, and preoccupied with doing it myself. I buy the lie and think I can do it all by memory. I remember Who He is… that should be enough, right?
Only I forget that I also suffer from spiritual amnesia… I don’t remember Who He is, where He’s brought me from, and how He’s brought me through. And, I panic. “Where are you, God? Do you see THIS? Do you know about THAT?”
It’s so hard for this one with spiritual attention deficit disorder to remember to sit still. Yet, it’s in the stillness that my memory is restored. I recall Who He is and I KNOW He is God.
The only way I have found to be still and to remember is to do what Ann taught… slow time by counting the grace gifts in each moment. When I stop and count, my heart stills before the One who created all things. He grabs my attention in that moment and I whisper “thank You!”
And, when I list these things, either on paper, computer screen, or digital image, I leave myself a memorial stone to look back at and quiet the lies that say, “He doesn’t care. He won’t do anything about this. He doesn’t bless.”
So, I keep a gratitude journal and I count gifts. It is the only way I know to treat my spiritual attention deficit disorder and my spiritual amnesia.
And, thankfully, it works!
… for a fun bike ride to meet mom at the park
… for pb & j when that’s all the picnic food you have
… for time with the almost 9 year old while the big kids are doing their own thing
… for a man who loves to be with his kids
… for the surprise of meeting up at Culvers
… and the last day of lemon ice for the season
… for a job the mancub loves
… for a beautiful day
… and the smell of fall in the air
… for football
… and winning games
… for a sport for each
… and friends who help drive
… for the giggles and the smiles
… for friends who sit in the rain to watch your son stand on the sidelines
… for one play, the last play but the chance to run onto the field
… for Bible time around the campfire
… two nights in a row!
… hearing them pray for each other
… and for moments when siblings are friends too
… for a God who treats spiritual amnesia and spiritual attention deficit disorder
… Who never leaves
… nor forsakes
… and is as close as my next breath