without a doubt…

But if any of you lacks wisdom,
let him ask of God,
who gives to all generously and without reproach,
and it will be given to him. 
But he must ask in faith, 
without any doubting,
for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, 
driven and tossed by the wind. 
For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,  
being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
James 1:5-8

gasp… snort… blub…
the waters wash over my face again.
My own kicking and splashing
make it worse
but I don’t know what else to do.

I HAVE to do SOME thing.
I HAVE to MAKE this work.
I HAVE to just keep swimming.

or do I?

For these many years,
when things aren’t going my way,
I tend to try to do something,
to try to make things happen,
to try to swim towards my goal.

More often than not,
I’m simply flailing in the deep end
sputtering and inhaling water,
drowning in my own making.

I once asked my man
if he ever felt the waters of life
pressing in threatening to drown him.

“Maybe once or twice,” he said.
“But, mostly, it’s all good!”

I’ve pondered that statement much
in the past couple of months.
How? Why? When? Where?
does one get to that point in life…
the point of relaxing enough
to trust the One who created it all?

James answered my heart’s questions.

… let him ask of God,
who gives to all generously and without reproach, 

and it will be given to him. 
But he must ask in faith, 
without any doubting, 
for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, 
driven and tossed by the wind.

Here’s where I take in water.

I ask, but not in faith.
I know He can.
I doubt He will.

…and, because I doubt,
I am tossed like the surf of the sea,
flailing randomly,
gasp… snort… blub…

And, that isn’t the worst of it.

For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,  
being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. 

Double-minded.
Unstable in all my ways.

uhmmm…

yeah, that’s me.

James is teaching me…
a life without the waves
washing over my face

is a life of faith…
without a doubt.

~*~

It’s another Multitudes on Monday over at Ann’s. I’m joining the gratitude community by counting 1000 Gifts and more… because, it’s in the counting that my faith is deepened and my doubting quieted. Care to join in?

For these things and countless more, my heart is thankful.

… for the smiles on faces
… and warm days that bring out the best in all of us

… for the one who knows all things mechanical
… and keeps our wheels working

… for minutes that add up to hours taxing about
… and the candid conversations that occur

… for the smile and surprise when I offer a ride to school

… for the job he loves
… and the job he loves
… and the joy the both get from a job well done

… for giggles and belly laughs around a board game

… for the times he stops teasing long enough to enjoy his sisters

… for snow fall
… and the hush it brings

… for friends who share honestly, trusting that they are safe
… and friends who listen
… and exhort me to live for Him alone

… for the surprise of a Sunday afternoon gift
… and kids big enough to leave home
… for having the restaurant to ourselves
… for watching football and sharing sushi
… for the two of us who have weathered much
… and how he still makes my heart race

multitudesonmondaysbutton2-1

 

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