extravagant gifts…

I learned something about myself this weekend,
and it’s really not very pretty.

I love to give.

It’s receiving that I struggle with.

I don’t do it well, at all…
especially when the gift given is
given out of extravagant love.

This weekend, I was given
what I consider to be,
two extravagant gifts,
by the one on this earth
who knows me best
and still loves me most.

I’d like to be able to tell you
I received them with grace and gratitude.

Let’s just say…
not so much.

In fact, I may have even gone so far as to say,
“can you sell it and buy us a new dryer instead?”

Ridiculous.
Simply ridiculous.

{Yes, we do need a new dryer
but that isn’t the point.}

The point was that my man wanted to love me
in an extravagant way
and I spurned the gift I didn’t understand
and the love that scared me to my core
because I felt unworthy.

Yesterday morning,
I gathered with our church family
and sang of my risen Lord.

Tears streamed.

I avoid reading much about Christ’s suffering
when I read the Scriptures.
I have a DVD of The Passion of The Christ
and haven’t even taken the plastic wrap off.

I avoid reading/watching/hearing about the Cross
because in my pathetic thinking
it is an extravagant gift.

In a sense, I’ve spurned it because
it’s a gift I don’t understand
and a love that scares me almost to death
and I know I am unworthy!

{only, it doesn’t scare me to death
because that love that I can’t understand
conquered death for me}

To be loved like that
blows my mind
and scares my soul
and frees my heart all at the same time.

In a very similar way,
I was blown-away,
scared almost to death,
and freed to love my man all at the same time
this weekend.

Quite obviously,
my heart hasn’t learned this life lesson yet…

you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit
{all credit to the lovely Toni Deckers for this}

for one who fancies herself
to be all about gratitude…

this weekend was a big life lesson
on extravagant gifts.

~*~

It’s Multitude Monday after a weekend of relearning the art of gratitude. Care to join the gratitude community in counting the extravagant gifts of grace He bestows with us? Click on over to Ann’s place to get started and to read of others who are grateful today.

… bucketfuls of maple sap
… and ooey gooey maple syrup

… for a clean stove
… and it all put away ’til next year

… for the song of the spring peepers
… and that He created them to wake each spring singing the same song

… for Spring Break
… and my 3 Es home

…. for Easter traditions
… and giggles and fun

… for extravagant gifts
… such as an iphone
… and ipad all at once

… for this man of mine who loves me more than I understand
…and who holds me when I sob
… and forgives again and again and again

… for the extravagant gift of the Cross
… and what He did for me

… for His victory over death and the grave
… and the eternal life I have with Him

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