an open letter to moms who desperately want to get it right…

Dear Mom,

You are beautiful and you were beautifully created to be someone’s mom. Before the foundations of the world were laid, God knew. He knew you would be the perfect mom to the right someone. Believe me. It’s true. No one else could do your job the way you can.

You want to get it right, don’t you? I know. Me too.

I want to be the best mom EVER for my 3 Es. I want to be there for them 24/7/365. I want to love them unconditionally. I want to mold them and shape them into His image.

Right now, I’m striking out.

Yes, I am their best mom, only because I’m their only mom. I don’t truly want to be there 24/7/365 because I really want to be able to be in the bathroom all by myself. I don’t love them unconditionally. Instead, I get frustrated when I trip over size 14 sneakers in the dark or find my hairbrush has gone missing, again. I don’t mold them and shape them in His image, instead, I often mold them and shape them to fit my agenda.

See, what I say I want sounds good… spiritual… wise… right.

My reality though doesn’t line up with my wise words and my kids know it. They know how much I fail them. They hear the snark in my voice and the unnecessary yelling (which, by the way, is all the yelling… I just like to qualify it to make myself feel slightly better). They see when my actions don’t line up with my words. They feel the heart hurts I sling.

I had a bit of an epiphany this morning and it goes like this…..

I won’t get it right because I can’t get it right. In the apostle Paul’s words… I am chief among sinners. In and of myself, I fail my family 24/7/365.

Yet, God placed me here to be the best mom EVER to Eric, Emme, and Ellen.

I am their best mom. I need my heart to hear the truth… the truth that says I was made for such a time as this. Before He laid the foundation of the world, He knew that these 3 would forever call me MOM. He knew that I would be the best one for their cuts and bruises, their heart hurts and shortcomings. He divinely ordained this little family of five.

I can now let the mom guilt go.

For you see, the epiphany carries over to this… I cannot be their Messiah. I cannot raise them to be Godly young women and a Godly young man. I cannot stand in the gap for them and cover up their mistakes and their sins. Jesus already did. This is between them and their God.

All I can do is pray.

The amazing thing? Prayer is more than that. It’s more than saying “I will just pray.” Prayer is a conscious choice my heart makes to let go and let God. Prayer allows me to remove myself and let God in. Prayer takes me out of the equation and allows my children to develop their own relationship with their Savior.

Here’s the funny thing…

I’ve yet to read a child-rearing book that says this. I doubt I’ve read them all, but those that I have read… well, they all give me 12 steps and 4 easy lessons to be the mom who will get it all right. They promise me that their way is God’s way and that I can have a new kid by Friday. They teach me that it is all up to me to get this one job right, and if I mess up or their plan doesn’t work, well, it’s my fault.

My mom heart found some freedom last night and I hope you find it too. The freedom that Christ came to bring. The freedom that says I don’t have to do it all because He already did. The freedom that says His death on the cross and His resurrection 3 days later is enough. He is God. I am not.

So, dear beautiful mom, this letter is for you. Know that you will never get it right, so let go of the mom guilt. Spend every day loving on your someone’s to the best of your ability and let the rest go. Lay your head on the pillow and pray. Rise with the sun and your early birds and pray. Drive them to school and pray. And rest in Jesus enjoying every minute He gives you with your someone.

You are their best mom.

From one who is learning.


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16 thoughts on “an open letter to moms who desperately want to get it right…

  1. Seriously awesome! And exactly what I needed to hear today

  2. a beautiful, necessary letter… thank you. i’ve heard it a few times i the past month… that i’ve raised my kids well. and to myself i think, if you only knew!!!! it is surely by the grace of God… only by His grace. and often, i feel as if they have raised me…

    1. YES! They have raised me! Thanks for sharing that with me!

  3. Heidi,
    Once again your words have made a huge impact on me. But this, in particular, is something I desperately needed to read and take to heart. I am always awed by how blessed I am through your words. And just now the rawness of the emotions that were put into this came right through the screen and touched me. Thanks again for your wisdom friend:) Now I think I shall go and pray.

  4. I told Gabe last week your sister and I are a lot alike she agreed. I have been going through the same thought process as this recently. I can share what I know but mainly all I can do is pray and trust God! Great post!

    1. amen! Last night was freeing for me when I realized the effect prayer has on me and my parenting! 😉

  5. Thank you for sharing this Heidi, it blesses and touches any mother who reads those words…how very encouraging.

    1. thanks Candice! Praise the LORD that He can take my messy struggles and encourage you. 😉

  6. I so needed to read these words today!!

  7. Needed to read this tonight! Great post.

  8. Heidi, I’m reading Give Them Grace (Dazzling Your kids with the Love of jesus) by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick & Jessica Thompson. What you wrote reminds me of this book. Of course, I’m not finished with it yet, but what wonderful truths–reflecting on the grace Jesus has poured out on our children…and on us! Learning myself–Laurie

    1. Thanks for sharing your current read with me. I’m always on the hunt for a good book!

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