to myself, 19 years ago and counting…

Dear Heidi,

It’s finally April 23, 1994, this day that you’ve been counting down to… this day that you’ve been dreaming of since you were a little girl. Look at you. Just, look at you. You are beautiful and for this moment in time, you really believe you are, don’t you?

This day has been amazing, hasn’t it? From the early morning run with Max to a quick and hilarious Walmart run with Ruth, it’s been full moment stacked upon full moment until you feel as if you can’t tuck one more memory in your overflowing heart. Keep tucking, you’ll remember them for years.

There he stood watching you walk down the aisle. While everyone else was watching him, he saw only you. He’s like that, you know. He’s a one woman man. By the grace of God, you chose well. Hang on tight, even when it feels like the one finger you are hanging on with is slipping off. Don’t ever let go.

“I, Heidi, take you, Chad, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…” you hear yourself saying these words. Strong words that you can’t truly understand. Understanding only comes when you have lived those words. Just know that sometimes the “for worse” only feels that way, and the “for poorer” isn’t bad. Don’t trust your feelings. They will lie. Trust instead in the One who stands with you today, the One you have committed your life to. Let Him decide what truly is the “for worse” and let the rest go. You will save yourself a lot of grief, if you do.

“I’m here to remind you that though today is full of sunshine, there will be days of storms and clouds…” the pastor says looking in your eyes and his. You don’t want to hear it, I know. Why should he even bring such things up on this day that is full of moments to be treasured? Because he’s right. He’s seen it and he knows… and he is ever so right. Remember those moments I told you to tuck away. It’s on the cloudy and stormy days that you will need them. You will need to go back to the beginning. You will need to go back to what you know is right and true. Sometimes one or the other of you will lose your focus. Go back to this day, this moment in time, and remind each other that this… this is where it all began and this is your compass point.

This adventure that you are starting today? I promise you it is the most amazing and exhilarating adventure that you could ever imagine. You will learn to love this man deeper and wider than you can ever imagine. You will discover and dream together … and together you will watch those dreams become your reality. Tears will fall as you watch him overcome and become. You will reach for his hand when you are scared to death and he will need you more than he can tell you.

Remember how you once said you didn’t think you would ever get married, just like you said you would never have your own kids? It’s okay. Actually, it’s way more than okay… it’s good. Being a wife and a mom is going to fulfill you more than you could ever imagine, and most days, you are going to be really good at it!

So, today, when your heart feels so full that you can’t tuck another memory in, it’s good. Your heart is stretching. It needs to, because you have a life time of memories to tuck in it.

On this beautiful spring day, go… be Chad’s beautiful wife. I promise you will never regret it!

~H

2 thoughts on “to myself, 19 years ago and counting…

  1. You touched my heart again. And this time I bawled. I wish I had written this. Your words are so beautiful they’re poetic. Thanks for sharing.

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