for the dream chaser in me…

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Deep within me lives a dream chaser.

In the midst of the ordinary, every day,
she gets lost in the shuffle.

Days, weeks, months, years go by
and I stuff her deep down
because it’s too hard to chase dreams
and be a wife, mom, teacher,
cook, dishwasher, laundry doer, lover,
accountant, disciplinarian, mentor, taxi driver.

Sometimes I wonder I will ever be able to
allow the dream chaser in me to live large.

Other times, she comes to the surface
for a minute or two and she takes my breath away.
I override her dream with my “logic.”
I tell her the dream is wrong.
I tell her I am unworthy of such a dream.
I stuff her down.

Occasionally, she rises to the surface in the midst of my life
and for a few moments I get a glimpse of what it could be
and I want more.

Then there are the times that I chase the dream
and fall flat on my face.

Mostly I wonder if I am even trustworthy with such a dream.
Is this my dream that I chase selfishly or
His dream that He has placed deep within my heart?

This dream of mine has come to the surface often lately.

I’m still wife, mom, and all those other things.
I still doubt and and I still screw up.
I still have moments when all I can think is,
“I can’t do this.”

And, then, in the dark and quiet of my heart,
I feel the dream growing
and I know.

Sometimes the dream comes from Him.

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~*~

It’s Multitudes on Monday again with the gratitude community at Ann’s blog. This is my time to list a few of the things for which I am grateful… these gifts from God that give me a glimpse of how much He truly loves me.

… for a friend who comes 2 hours to help my man redo the transmission on his truck
… and the laughter I hear from the garage
… for the gift of long time friendship
… and the fact that our girls love to be together

… for a great week of school here at home as we finish what we’ve started
… for the fact that the big 2 are finishing strong
… and my girl that will come back home in the fall

… for his part time job
… and phone calls that say “Eric is so good at his job!”
… an extra shifts for him
… and bonus custard when he agrees to stay late and help in the Mother’s Day rush

… for time with my own Mom
… and just quiet conversations about books and real life
… for the laughter my daughter shared with her grandparents
… and for big kids who love on me even when they aren’t with me.

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… for a lovely dinner with a sweet group of sisters in Christ
… and meeting new friends
… for sharing my story and hearing theirs
… and tasting the world’s BEST popcorn

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… for worshipping with my family each Sunday
… and realizing that God has placed us there
… and having the opportunity to thank each of them for the impact they make in the lives of my kids

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… for the one living life with me
… and that he believes in me
… and believes in the dream

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… for a God who loves me more than I will ever know
… and loves my kids more than I will ever be able to
… and knowing that because of His great love I do not have to be afraid.

~*~

Books are free today…

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