John 14:27 “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.
I’m a fixer,
it’s pathetic but true.
And…if I can’t fix it
It doesn’t matter what IT is…
it has been an ascending aortic aneurysm
walking around in the heart of my man…
that five years ago sent me into a tailspin of panic.
it has been a calling to educate differently than what I knew…
that eleven years ago left me lonely and desperate for a friend.
it it has been living with way less…
and knowing that God is faithful
but doubting that He will see us through this time,
Four days at the lake…
four days of sister talks and cousin giggles,
revealed to me the heightened alert my heart had
been on all summer…
one breath away from panic.
There is something about removing myself from the situation
that allows my soul to breathe
and my heart to see…
perhaps it is the proverbial
“You can’t see the forest through the trees.”
I sat with my man last night.
We dropped the girl off at volleyball practice
and went on a root beer date….
him with the root beer,
me with the heart full of angst.
He tends to be my earthly compass.
When my world tilts, I look to him.
When my heart is raging,
I seek his peace.
Oh, that this heart would learn once and for all
that peace and panic cannot coexist.
Peace…I’ve been given it,
it is a gift…
and a fruit….
and yet I choose to swallow the bitter pill of panic,
time and time again.
Last night, it came down to a moment in time…
the peace that I found staring at the ever-changing lake-scape
was being choked out by the panic rising from within
and I had a choice to make.
I don’t need to fix anything,
That is His job.
He is God,
I am not.
I simply must walk in faith
trusting in One greater than I.
In that moment last night,
I surrendered the thoughts of fear and dread
and “what if”
And chose peace instead.
I chose peace.