My faith is small,
and the little bit I have ebbs and flows like the tide…
the tide of how much I feel loved by my God.
Deep within is a battle I fight often,
I allow the circumstances of my daily life
to be the gauge of how I measure His love to me.
If He blesses me, He loves me,
if He doesn’t bless…
maybe I’m no longer worthy of His love.
Yet, when I read His love letter to me,
I read over and over again that I am never worthy without Him…
and always loved through His shed blood.
It isn’t about me
or how I feel.
My emotions can run wild
and He never changes.
I doubt Him enough
that I made this trip about how much He loves me.
Too many times I laid it before Him
and said, “if You love me,
You will let me go to the D.R.”
It had nothing to do with His love,
it had everything to do with my faith.
In these past months,
He has made me face my doubts and fears.
He has allowed me to look at how I view Him
and my wrong thinking of how He loves.
He’s given and He has taken away
and in all that I am learning that circumstances change,
He does not.
And, all those times I wondered if we would really
come to where my sister lives her every days,
He knew that really I was wondering if He loved us
enough to work out the details.
I doubted Him
when He is more than able.
In the end, I am grateful that His love for me
does not ebb and flow
and that He continues to love me
in spite of my little faith.