an open letter to moms who feel their daughters are left out..

Hey, friend.

Can we talk honestly?

I’m kinda afraid to say this
but would you mind if I share my heart for a minute?

You see, you come to me telling me that your daughter doesn’t fit in…
she feels left out…
she has no friends…
and mine has so many.

You say it’s not fair.

Yet, I wonder,
is the problem deeper than that?

I’ve noticed something.

Sometimes my daughter is away,
out of the country even,
and your daughter still feels slighted…
you don’t seem to complain to anyone else.

Why is this?

I think I know.

You see, all my life I have been accused
of being a part of a clique.
Here’s the really ironic thing…
“clique” is a term with an ambiguous definition…
often a way to pass blame.

You’ve heard that I’m meeting with my regular Monday prayer group,
and you wonder why you haven’t been invited to join this clique.
Guess what?
I wasn’t invited either.
I simply heard that there was a Moms In Prayer group for my son’s school,
and I went.

I got involved.

You’ve said I have a clique at my church,
and you accuse us of leaving you out of our little circle.
What would you say if you really knew that this perceived circle
is simply those of us that show up to get things done?

I showed up.

You’ve accused me of inviting everyone else over
to my home but not you.
Really, do you know how seldom our schedule
allows for dinner guests?

My calendar is full.

You say my girl and her friends
are together all the time.
What would you say if you knew
that they actually work at the same place
and their time together is on the clock?

She works.

You say my girl has a clique
and you accuse her of leaving yours out.
What would you say if you really knew that there are no
secret parties or exclusive get-togethers,
just meetings at church?

She goes to youth group.

You say my girl is too busy
to spend time with yours.
What would you say if you really knew
that her days are filled with school,
work, and odd jobs to fund her missions trips?

She’s busy.

Really, what would you say?

Can we be honest?

If you are feeling left out…
alone…
univited…
get involved, show up, fill your calendar.

Do something.

Moms, can we please break this cycle with our generation,
instead of passing it on to our girls?

Do not make me responsible for your happiness,
or my daughter responsible for yours.

Life is not fair.
You don’t get invited to everything.
Not everyone will be your best friend.

And, it’s okay.
I promise.
It’s really okay.

Some of the best words my mother ever said to me,
“So what if they are doing something
and you weren’t invited.
Go make your own fun!”

So I did.

Feel free to follow Mom’s advice too.

Let’s let this obsession with cliques go
and own our own perceptions.

Let’s stop making others responsible
for our happiness,
or that of our daughters.

Let’s own our own lives
and make our own fun!

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