It’s a quiet, lonely place to be.
A condition of the heart,
not the vocal cords.
I’m here frequently.
Fighting an unseen battle
to be brave with words.
To write again.
My head knows
what my heart struggles to accept…
this is less personal
and more spiritual.
It’s a spiritual war against unseen forces
and a battle deep within me.
It is the lies of the enemy
blended with my own insecurities.
It’s not just those around me,
I am my own worst critic.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I am an easy foe.
It takes just one callous comment slung,
one personal comparison thought,
one proud moment (equally mine or someone else’s) idolized,
to send me spinning out of control.
And, in the spinning,
I get dizzy,
and lose my voice
my mother had a brave idea.
She bought me a yellow leotard and matching tights
and took me to dance class.
I heard it said, “It will make you more graceful!”
Perhaps not so much.
However, those dance lessons all those years ago
taught me one very valuable lesson…
fixing my gaze on one true point
and snatching a glance after every turn
kept me from getting dizzy when my body started spinning.
The same is true when I lose my voice to the critics.
If I fix my gaze on my One True God
and if after every turn
I reposition myself to gaze only at Him,
I won’t get dizzy
and I won’t lose my voice to the critics at every turn.