on choosing my battles wisely…

With my head in the clouds
and a sparkly ring on my left hand,
my mom offered this…

choose your battles wisely

I smiled and nodded.
I was a young, clueless newlywed.
I thought I knew that which I didn’t understand.

Later, with a babe in my arms
and dark circles under my eyes,
my mom again offered…

choose your battles wisely

I grimaced and nodded,
now a tired and clueless mother,
easily angered, quickly bittered…
who only desired to be spiritual.

Decades later,
thankfully with the same man and children
who endured more than their fair share of battles,
I offer this….

choose your battles wisely
because not everything is a spiritual battle

Somewhere along the journey,
I bought a lie and paid a hefty price for it.
A generic lie that came with many options…

~if I breasfeed, I will be more spiritual because I will be putting my child’s needs ahead of my own…
instead I battled low milk supply, the “helpful” comments of others, and a lot of doubts

~if I homeschool, I will be more spiritual because I will teach my children
the ways of The Lord all day long…
so I battled my own insufficiencies, the “constructive” criticism of others, and a lot of insecurity

~if I feed my family only organic, whole foods, I will be more spiritual
because I will care for my family in the purest way…
bring on the battle of balancing the budget against the food bill, the “wisdom” of those who have read studies, and a lot of frustration

~fill in the blank…
if______________________, then I will be more spiritual.

The lie I bought
made my own spirituality
dependent on my every day choices
and
my every day choices
then became spiritual battles.

I didn’t choose my battles well
because I allowed everything to be a battle
to prove to others,
and to prove ultimately to myself,
that I was most spiritual because of my choices.

In hindsight,
I would love more,
battle less.

I would find my confidence in my own walk
and compare less.

I would give grace more
and judgement less.

Mostly, if given the chance to do it all over,
I hope I would have understood
choose your battles wisely
and wouldn’t have bought the lie
that I could battle my way to spirituality.

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