she kept all these things in her heart…

All who heard the shepherds’ story were astonished, but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often. Luke 2:18-19 NLT

…kept all these things in her heart
and thought about them often…

This is where I am.

There is much deep within.
Much I contemplate,
much I ponder.

Much more I do not understand.

Sometimes my heart
gets to feeling like it might just burst
under the weight of the weighty.

How much more Mary?

She held the Promise.
She bathed the Messiah.
She nursed Emmanuel.

Her young mother’s heart
held these things and she thought about them often.

How much more so as he grew?

She taught the Holy One.
She soothed the King of Kings.
She dressed the Mighty God.

When did it seem her heart
would burst under the weight of the wondering?

Much like mine,
I can only imagine that her mama’s heart
aged with wisdom that only time and experience can bring.

Did her heart swell with pride
and break into a million pieces
over and over again
as she saw the man her baby became?

She walked with the Christ.
She followed the Teacher.
She stood at the foot of the Cross.

What then?

Did the load her heart carry
threaten to break it right in half?

Or, had she learned
to surrender the very things
that weighed her down
and to ponder just a few
in order to be fully present for her Son?

In the quiet and the dark,
this December,
I’ve pondered much.

So much of living in this world,
I do not understand.

The heavy weighs in hard
and the pressure builds
until I have no choice but to hand it over to my Redeemer
or implode from the shear steam.

I don’t know how much
Mary kept in her heart.

I only know
that I’m learning to let go
of that which I do not understand
in order to make room to be fully present for my Savior.

My heart can’t keep all these things.

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