waves of mercy for this mother’s heart…

IMG_0152

It’s funny.

Many have asked, “How are you? How’s the adjustment?”

Sometimes there just aren’t words.

I didn’t expect to be this way. I didn’t expect to miss him like I do. I equally didn’t expect to be this excited for his new adventure.

It’s a paradox that maybe only another mother would understand. I’m not pining my days lamenting that Eric’s gone on to college. Instead, my heart is learning a new relationship with the one who first called me mom… just as it’s supposed to.

Then, in the early light of this morning, I held a sweet, brand-new daughter born to one I would claim as my own. I sat in that rocking chair with my arms full as a few joyful tears leaked out. Memories of a younger me in this same hospital with my first born flooded my mind. I mostly remembered being overwhelmed with motherhood.

Overwhelmed with the thought of sleepless nights and bottle feeding. Overwhelmed with teething and tantrums. Overwhelmed with teaching and training when I fail so often. Overwhelmed with the privilege.

All these years later I’m still overwhelmed with motherhood. Elizabeth Stone said it best… “Making the decision to have a child–it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.”

For me, being a mother is a continually changing sea. Just as I learn who my children are, they change. And, just as I learn who I am, I change. Sometimes the ebb and flow crash loudly in my heart and sometimes the waves wash gently over me. I learned long ago there is no rhyme or rhythm.

But there is grace…and mercy…and gifts in the moment.

IMG_8605

One thought on “waves of mercy for this mother’s heart…

I'd love to know what you think...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s