What’s holding you back?

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We sat in a booth at our favorite little Tuesday night get away. After he placed our deep dish pizza order, my man plopped both of his hands on the table in front of me and said, “You can be anything you want to be! What do you want to be?”

I had no idea.

He smiled, “What does your dream job look like?”

I still had no idea.

He’s much better at optimism than I am.

I had just resigned my job and left a piece of my heart behind. Honestly, I had the best co-workers on the planet and I really wasn’t sure I wanted to try again with a new job and new acquaintances. I was also scared. Fear had a tight grip and I had no words to even answer his questions.

We ate our pizza. Fear sat stubborn in my heart and I could barely swallow. Thankfully, he made me laugh. He always does.

“What are you afraid of?”

Again, I had no idea.

It has taken me hours of soul searching and weeks of rest to be able to name the fear that plagued me.

Fear of failure and of failing him.

After 22 years together and multiple times of failing him, I don’t know why I’m worried about it either now. I’ve already done both.

And, It doesn’t bother him in the least.

Isn’t that the way it often is?

When I finally faced my fear of failure and named it for what it was, I realized it wasn’t really that big of deal. I feared something that does exist. I do fail and I do fail my man at times. However, it’s not the end of the world. I move on. He forgives. I am grateful.

There’s freedom in recognizing that fear is often much greater in my mind than in reality.

What’s holding you back?

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2 thoughts on “What’s holding you back?

  1. Hi Heidi! I think it has a lot to do with change. Leaving a place and traveling to the next can be really confusing, and I always have to take a little time to sift through my feelings. I think the questions your husband asked were so clarifying and caring. What a great guy! And you know that his love is steady and strong, which is a beautiful thing.

    I know what you mean about my head stopping my progress. Leaps of faith are tough! But sometimes, that’s what’s needed.
    Have a great weekend!
    Ceil

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